How to Make Friends With Uncertainty
How to Make Friends With Uncertainty
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”
— John Allen Paulos
We are taught to crave certainty. The right plan, the perfect timeline, the next clear step. From careers to relationships to personal goals, it can feel like life is one big checklist you are supposed to be keeping up with.
But real life rarely follows the plan. Relationships end. Jobs shift. Health changes. Priorities evolve.
What if, instead of fighting uncertainty, you learned how to make peace with it? What if you could move through change without needing all the answers first?
Making friends with uncertainty is not about pretending to enjoy chaos. It is about learning to stay grounded even when life feels unpredictable.
Investigate Your Beliefs About Control
We often cling to control because we believe it keeps us safe. But control can become its own form of anxiety.
Ask yourself:
What do I believe will happen if I stop trying to manage everything?
What if uncertainty is not danger but possibility?
Start by exploring perspectives that stretch you. Read, listen, or talk with people whose views differ from yours. Each time you do, you strengthen your capacity to tolerate ambiguity and flexibility—two skills that make life far easier to navigate.
Practice Acceptance, Not Resistance
Think of life like an improv scene. You cannot control what the other “actors” are going to do, but you can decide how you will respond.
Even if the scene takes an unexpected turn, you still have power over your next move. You can resist and freeze, or you can participate and adapt.
Acceptance does not mean liking every situation. It means acknowledging reality so you can respond effectively within it.
Use Mindfulness to Find the Present Moment
Uncertainty pulls you into the future. Mindfulness brings you back to right now.
Notice what you are feeling. Name what is happening in your body. You are allowed to have racing thoughts and tight shoulders and still breathe through them.
When you come back to the present, you are reminded that right now you are safe, and right now you have choices. That is where true calm begins.
See Change as an Invitation
Change is the constant we spend our lives resisting. Yet most growth happens when something shifts—when we lose, move, risk, or begin again.
Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?”, try asking “What might this be asking of me?”
Reframing change this way helps transform fear into curiosity and movement into growth.
Build Your Resilience Muscle
Resilience is not about toughness. It is about flexibility.
When you recover from challenges with self-compassion instead of self-criticism, you build the capacity to handle future uncertainty with greater ease.
Ask yourself what has helped you adapt in the past. Maybe it was humor, support, rest, or creativity. Those are tools worth keeping close.
The Freedom of Not Knowing
Making friends with uncertainty does not mean giving up on plans or goals. It means loosening your grip. It means living life as it actually unfolds, not as it was supposed to be.
You do not need all the answers to move forward. You only need a willingness to stay open to what is next.
The journey is often the real teacher.
Interested in starting therapy so you can handle uncertainty better? Get started here.
Exploring how these themes resonate in your own life? Therapy can be a place to unpack, find clarity, and move forward in a way that feels true to you. If you’re interested in seeing how we might work together, please review my specializations in the “Specializations” menu at the top of the page. I provide therapy to women in Bainbridge Island and across Washington State.
